Tell Me Why

I've some pretty pertinent questions after watching some of the recent films. Maybe the film-makers can enlighten me.

Why don't children in films have names anymore?
The little boy and girl in Ta Ra Rum Pum were referred as Champ and Princess throughout the film even in the most emotionally laden moment of the film when daddy Saif Ali Khan is hurt in a car crash. As for Sexy, the kid in Cheeni Kum, she is totally from another planet. She gives love advice to a 64 year-old man, watches adult movies and what's more even tells the 34-year-old girlfriend of the old man that her beau is sleeping with her, all innocently of course! Guess, director Balki deserves kudos for totally reinventing the role and scope of a child artiste in Hindi films but I would have liked to know her name. I mean, you just cannot have children named Sexy, Princess and Champ. They are not horses and dogs for god sake but children!

Why are so many films being shot in London?
My heart bleeds for Filmcity. Bollywood's best-known shooting ground is facing stiff competition from London. Nearly 40 Bollywood films were shot in London last year and the figures only seem to be on the ascent in 2007. Salaam-e-Ishq, Namastey London, Cheeni Kum have already been there, done that while coming up attractions like Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, Goal and Speed are also all London centric. Seeing Salman Khan do Tenu Leke in Trafalgar Square in Salaam-e-Ishq was very nice but why do we have to see Zayed Khan and Tanushree Dutta do the same jig at the same place. Time our film-makers showed us something we haven't seen. Right now, we are suffering from London fatigue.

Why do most of Ram Gopal Varma films have a green hue?
You can't miss it. Ram Gopal Varma has been carpet-bombing the television channels with promos of his version of Sholay. While the world wants to know how Amitabh Bachchan does a Gabbar Singh, I want to know why is the film bathed in green? Ramu did that in the Khallas number in Company also as well as in Naach, Jungle, Shiva and James. Does he have a huge sci-fi fixation or what?

Why is Konkona Sen Sharma always the girl who discovers a gay?
It happened to her in Page 3 and then again in Metro. It's a common Konkona moment now: Konkona enters her boyfriend's house only to find it empty. She looks here and there and then goes in his bedroom or a guest room and finds out that he has been two-timing her and that too with a guy! When it happened in Page 3, it was a novelty but when it happened again to her in Metro it's a yawn. Well to be fair in Metro she also learnt that her boyfriend was two timing her with her boss so maybe it was a double blow but still why only Konkona?

Why is Kangana Ranaut getting stereotyped?
And then there is the Kangana Ranaut specialty. She has done only four films but already she's become a pro at the drunk-depressed-slightly ott-suicidal type. There is a similarity in her roles in Gangster, Woh Lamhe and Metro. All these depressive, suicidal roles must be taking quite a toll on the poor girl's mental health. She needs reinvention and fast.

Why does Upen Patel bare his chest?
Why oh why? He's just three films old and we've already seen too much of Upen Patel's chest. And we are bored. If he's trying to imitate Salman Khan then somebody please tell Upen that Salman started flaunting his chest much after flaunting his acting abilities in Maine Pyar Kiya, Baaghi and others. Upen needs to tone down and keep his shirt on.

Confessions, confessions, confessions…this time aboard an-almost-about-to-crash AI 120

However close the bond is, there will come a time in your life especially when you are all grown up and living in another city, that you and your mom will prefer different brands of tea.

I’ve learnt that some men will even fake a heart attack to get out of shopping.

This is for all the women travelers: always carry talcum powder on a trip. You just never know when and for what you might need it. And while you are packing the essentials, do pack the nano and the mac. Familiar gizmos always instill a sense of comfort.

Some beasts remain just that: beasts. No magical kiss from Belle will change them into hunky men. Sigh!

Success is the new name for greed.

Eating out is the new age oral gratification.

When newspaper headlines are dominated by Paris, the heiress turned jail junkie and not the eternal city then you know you are indeed living in troubled times.

Going by the weirdoes I attract, sometimes I feel that the title sucker.com is inscribed on my forehead.

Sometimes a stranger’s smile feels like the very best homecoming.

I think I can live my life in a hotel suite as long as room service, house keeping, laundry and maintenance service are available 24/7.

My secret fantasy: to buy my comfort faded green suede sofa in Marriott’s Reflections bar.

You can play endless rounds of truth or dare but at the end of the day, only one man can make your heart flutter…always.